Revolution Over Evolution
Car designers are increasingly angry with car adverts that use the word "evolution" to describe the development of new cars. They want the credit and claim, "In the beginning was a blank sheet of paper."
Monday, September 28, 2015
Not to Mention
Car designers are increasingly angry with car adverts that use the word "evolution" to describe the development of new cars. They want the credit and claim, "In the beginning was a blank sheet of paper."
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Taste as Well as Morality Found in Babies
Child psychologists are astounded at new discoveries involving the minds of babies. In 2013, researchers realized that babies could understand the moral issues involved in puppet shows. Now there is strong evidence to show that they can discern cringe-worthiness, stupidity, lameness, overkill, manipulation and other traits of popular TV shows.
One experiment involved subjecting a random group of babies to four hours of X Factor. When they were given an opportunity to hold a Simon Cowell doll, every baby slammed the doll's head into the table as hard as it possibly could.
Psychologists believe that this inborn protection is weaned out of children by constant exposure to mindless TV. One professor of child development said, "It is much like the way we build up immunity to a disease by exposure to it over many years."
Child protection agencies have voiced concern over these experiments. A spokesperson said, "When we viewed the experiments, it became obvious to us that the babies were in terrible distress. Many were turning their heads away and squirming in their seats."
New TV guidelines call for a minimization of dangerous exposure to these types of programs for babies and normal people.
One experiment involved subjecting a random group of babies to four hours of X Factor. When they were given an opportunity to hold a Simon Cowell doll, every baby slammed the doll's head into the table as hard as it possibly could.
Psychologists believe that this inborn protection is weaned out of children by constant exposure to mindless TV. One professor of child development said, "It is much like the way we build up immunity to a disease by exposure to it over many years."
Child protection agencies have voiced concern over these experiments. A spokesperson said, "When we viewed the experiments, it became obvious to us that the babies were in terrible distress. Many were turning their heads away and squirming in their seats."
New TV guidelines call for a minimization of dangerous exposure to these types of programs for babies and normal people.
A Poor Pint Sized Guinea pig
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Not to Mention
Alzheimer Setback
The scientist who discovered a chemical cure for Alzheimer's disease has forgotten where he put the formula.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Not to Mention
Statistically Significant
Six out of every ten Americans say that they don't take part in surveys.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Not to Mention
Memory-Man Banned from Bookstore
A man with a photographic memory has been banned from browsing in branches of Snarbes & Bonles. Apparently he was recalling the books at home without paying for them.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Cigarette Lighters in Spaceships?
The proposed development of Orion, the interplanetary spacecraft, has been delayed due to confused sponsors. The joint NASA and ESA project depends upon funding by Coca Cola and Rolls Royce. Both companies are unhappy about their respective involvement.
Coca Cola was under the impression that they were providing the design for the service module. They have sent in drawings depicting the service module as a giant can of coke with a ring pull near the rocket thrusters. Although they have previously only designed pressurized containers for carbonated drinks, they are sure that they can " Get the liquid hydrogen thing right eventually," as their Spokesman put it. They plan to include their secret ingredient in the Hydrogen.
Meanwhile, Rolls Royce mistakenly believed that they were in charge of designing and building the command module. NASA commented that the proposed indicators, steering wheel and cigarette lighter were not only useless but also that the electric windows were downright dangerous.
NASA and ESA have allowed Coca Cola to broadcast a radio message from the spacecraft to any aliens listening. It is a song sung to the melody of I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing. It goes like this:
"I'd like to fly the Universe and furnish it with Coke,
Doo dee doo,
Grow sugar trees by caffeine seas and turn them into Coke."
A NASA Spokesperson commented, "I think that we missed a trick with Rolls Royce. If we had gone with their command module, they were prepared to give us a warranty that included sending out a qualified mechanic to fix any problem. Although it was only good for the first 120 million miles."
There might already be a problem with the dimensions of NASA's command module, as the American inches may have been interpreted by ESA as centimeters. NASA said that in case there are any problems, they have a back up team of Pygmy astronauts on stand-by.
Coca Cola was under the impression that they were providing the design for the service module. They have sent in drawings depicting the service module as a giant can of coke with a ring pull near the rocket thrusters. Although they have previously only designed pressurized containers for carbonated drinks, they are sure that they can " Get the liquid hydrogen thing right eventually," as their Spokesman put it. They plan to include their secret ingredient in the Hydrogen.
Meanwhile, Rolls Royce mistakenly believed that they were in charge of designing and building the command module. NASA commented that the proposed indicators, steering wheel and cigarette lighter were not only useless but also that the electric windows were downright dangerous.
NASA and ESA have allowed Coca Cola to broadcast a radio message from the spacecraft to any aliens listening. It is a song sung to the melody of I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing. It goes like this:
"I'd like to fly the Universe and furnish it with Coke,
Doo dee doo,
Grow sugar trees by caffeine seas and turn them into Coke."
A NASA Spokesperson commented, "I think that we missed a trick with Rolls Royce. If we had gone with their command module, they were prepared to give us a warranty that included sending out a qualified mechanic to fix any problem. Although it was only good for the first 120 million miles."
There might already be a problem with the dimensions of NASA's command module, as the American inches may have been interpreted by ESA as centimeters. NASA said that in case there are any problems, they have a back up team of Pygmy astronauts on stand-by.
Not to Mention
Miserable Les
Mr. Les Miserable is very unhappy due to thousands of people phoning him each week to book tickets to see him. He wants phone-booking banned and has teamed up with an Irish-Asian and fellow victim, Mr. Raith O'Kahn.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Comedic Genius Dies Laughing
Bruce "Funny Britches" Maverick was found dead last night still clutching the Dictaphone that recorded his last words. This legendary spoof writer will leave a gaping hole in the fabric of laughter.
The police Coroner stated that "Funny Britches" was probably trapped inside an hilarity feedback loop. A Joke-Disposal team is currently making his Dictaphone safe. His comedy writing was often dangerous enough to prove fatal.
He always said that he wanted someone who would not be funny to write his obituary. He left instructions that I, as one of his close friends, should write it. I ask you, dear reader, not to laugh when reading his story.
In 1956 "Funny Britches" was born into a travelling circus. His mother was a bearded lady; his father, an acrobat. He ran away from the circus at the age of twelve to lead a normal life. He learned the art of being "Economical" with the truth by writing TV adverts.
In his twenties he discovered that he had a talent for comedy. The book - Why Greed is Good, and Gluttony is even Better - catapulted him to stardom in the Eighties. Private Sigh and Glad Magazine pleaded with him to write for them, but he refused. He would not write for the "Man" as he put it.
Bruce "Funny Britches" Maverick will be fondly remembered. He is survived by his mother who resides in a care home for the terminally hirsute.
In memory of "Funny Britches", please do not leave a comment on this post. Thank you.
The police Coroner stated that "Funny Britches" was probably trapped inside an hilarity feedback loop. A Joke-Disposal team is currently making his Dictaphone safe. His comedy writing was often dangerous enough to prove fatal.
He always said that he wanted someone who would not be funny to write his obituary. He left instructions that I, as one of his close friends, should write it. I ask you, dear reader, not to laugh when reading his story.
In 1956 "Funny Britches" was born into a travelling circus. His mother was a bearded lady; his father, an acrobat. He ran away from the circus at the age of twelve to lead a normal life. He learned the art of being "Economical" with the truth by writing TV adverts.
In his twenties he discovered that he had a talent for comedy. The book - Why Greed is Good, and Gluttony is even Better - catapulted him to stardom in the Eighties. Private Sigh and Glad Magazine pleaded with him to write for them, but he refused. He would not write for the "Man" as he put it.
Bruce "Funny Britches" Maverick will be fondly remembered. He is survived by his mother who resides in a care home for the terminally hirsute.
In memory of "Funny Britches", please do not leave a comment on this post. Thank you.
Monday, September 14, 2015
BBC Unleashes New Antique Programs
Two new BBC shows: Antiques Under the Hammer and Antiques hit the road are being aired on TV this week. A BBC spokesperson said to me that there seems to be a great hunger for more antiques programming, and that it is up to the Beeb to satisfy that desire.
When I queried that statement, and pointed out that no other TV channel bothers with programs about antiques, he seemed upset.
He replied, “How could they compete with us when we have practically every antiques dealer in Britain working for us?”
I.T.CH. Or the Independent Television Channels organisation are bemused with the BBC's obsession with antiques. Their Chief Executive told me that there are many other types of cheap TV that the BBC could produce, more game shows, for example.
On the criticism of antique overload, the BBC's spokesperson said, “These programs are completely different from each other: Cash in the Attic is for people who want to sell their antiques for cash. Flog it is for people with only one antique to sell for cash. Bargain Hunt is to show that normal people cannot price antiques, and usually end up losing cash. Antiques Roadshow is for posh people to show off their antiques that they wouldn't dream of selling for cash."
Finally, he gave me a list of the coming season of antique shows:
The Antique Factor
Meet the Antiquarians
Ant and Dec's Antiques and Decorative Objects
Britain's Got Antiques
I'm an Antiques Dealer, Get Me Out of Here!
For a list of upcoming BBC antique programming, go to https://www.bbc.com/fartoomany/antiques/overload/
For a list of upcoming BBC antique programming, go to https://www.bbc.com/fartoomany/antiques/overload/
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