Thursday, September 17, 2015

Cigarette Lighters in Spaceships?

The proposed development of Orion, the interplanetary spacecraft, has been delayed due to confused sponsors. The joint NASA and ESA project depends upon funding by Coca Cola and Rolls Royce. Both companies are unhappy about their respective involvement.

Coca Cola was under the impression that they were providing the design for the service module. They have sent in drawings depicting the service module as a giant can of coke with a ring pull near the rocket thrusters. Although they have previously only designed pressurized containers for carbonated drinks, they are sure that they can " Get the liquid hydrogen thing right eventually," as their Spokesman put it. They plan to include their secret ingredient in the Hydrogen.

Meanwhile, Rolls Royce mistakenly believed that they were in charge of designing and building the command module. NASA commented that the proposed indicators, steering wheel and cigarette lighter were not only useless but also that the electric windows were downright dangerous.

NASA and ESA have allowed Coca Cola to broadcast a radio message from the spacecraft to any aliens listening. It is a song sung to the melody of I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing. It goes like this:

"I'd like to fly the Universe and furnish it with Coke,

Doo dee doo,

Grow sugar trees by caffeine seas and turn them into Coke."

A NASA Spokesperson commented, "I think that we missed a trick with Rolls Royce. If we had gone with their command module, they were prepared to give us a warranty that included sending out a qualified mechanic to fix any problem. Although it was only good for the first 120 million miles."

There might already be a problem with the dimensions of NASA's command module, as the American inches may have been interpreted by ESA as centimeters. NASA said that in case there are any problems, they have a back up team of Pygmy astronauts on stand-by.

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