Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Airliner Zapped with Shrink Ray over Area 51

A top secret experiment went terrifyingly wrong yesterday when an A330 airliner was accidentally hit by a classified "Field Energy Device" over Area 51. The airliner was shrunk to a one-hundredth of its original length. In this video, we see the happy outcome when the captain managed to land his airliner in an abandoned parking lot. 


Tricky Landing


Captain G. Willikers was almost paralyzed with surprise when it happened.

"Everything around us suddenly became huge. We lost communication because our signal was too weak," said Willikers.

The quick-thinking pilot diverted the plane from its flight to McCarran International, Las Vegas. "I couldn't take the risk of them not seeing me visually or even with radar. Plus, any wake-turbulence might have flipped us over."

He decided to put his aircraft down on a clear piece of concrete as soon as possible. The Airbus performed a missed approach but managed to land successfully on the second attempt. "Remember, I had no ILS (Instrument Landing System) available to me, and all the visual cues were wrong. People looked like skyscrapers," he said.

A spokesperson for the top secret facility in Nevada, Mr. I. Manalien said, "Of course we cannot go into details, but we believe the effects should wear off in a few days and the passengers along with the aircraft should revert to their normal size."

The Airbus is being relocated quickly to a hanger at a nearby airport. The crew and passengers are staying, for the moment, in a local schoolgirl's dolls house.








Friday, February 12, 2016

Guy Trapped in Bear Suit is not Amused

Johnny Noxious, the famous practical joker, has just survived three days trapped in a bear suit when his zipper broke. This hilarious footage of him was shot by two holidaymakers in Yellowstone National Park.

"I was pretty punchy by this point."


Not usually the butt of the joke, he and his butt became part of the joke when he was finally brought down by a tranquilizer dart. He is recuperating at the Emergency Proctology Center in San Fransisco.

"My buddy zipped me into the suit and was supposed to keep an eye on me, but he lost me when I mingled with a group of bears. I couldn't make myself heard because the bear suit muffled my voice so that it sounded like I was growling," he said.

He has been surviving on handouts from sightseers who mistook his frantic waving for playfulness.

"Couldn't they tell it was a costume? Look how moth-eaten it is. I tell you, there were times when I almost ended it all by throwing myself on the electric fence. You can imagine how much it smelled in there after three days. Everything went black when they shot that gigantic dart into my a**."