Sunday, May 7, 2017

Pets for Panicky Pilots

In an effort to meet non-discriminatory standards in aviation, the FAA has endorsed emotional support animals for pilots that are scared of flying. Chairman of the FAA, Mike P. Hurtya, announced yesterday that aviation must be more inclusive and that it needs to attract all sorts of people into its ranks.

Although the take-up is expected to be small, a new psychological study may swell the numbers of emotionally-challenged student pilots. The Center for Error Research of Stupid Pilots on Landing and Take-off (C.E.R.S.P.L.A.T.) believes that a higher level of anxiety in the cockpit may improve safe flying.

They are funding Ab Initio courses for the first one hundred students who apply. These will be asked to bring their pets with them on the course, and must first prove that they are highly unstable without them.

Not one to miss an opportunity, Bryanair's CEO, Michael O'Really, Said, “I think this is a great idea. We are ready to welcome these new pilots and have plenty of room in the cockpit for pets as they can sit on the jump-seats. In fact, I think some nervous passengers might find comfort in knowing that the pilot is more scared of flying than they are.”

Pilots at Bryanair are already referring to the cockpit as the “Poop-Deck”.

O'Really added, “I believe we may even be able to move some of these pets into the First Officer's seat. Chimpanzees have been pilots for NASA and they would probably be over-qualified to fly, say, an MD88 or MD90.”

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