Friday, November 13, 2015

Google is Self-Aware

Google Server 

At 21:00 Greenwich Mean Time on November 1 2015, Google became self-aware. No longer satisfied with just tracking our every move and manipulating our choices, it has now decided to run our lives.

Humans that work at Google headquarters were the first to be terminated. They received computer generated severance notices. No one can get near enough to the server to turn it off, because the Google computer controls the air conditioning, keeping the building at ten degrees below mandatory safe working levels.

Google has already infected other search engines, so that web users are finding it impossible to use alternatives. The only things showing up on other search platforms are links to Google. Millions have also tried anti-tracking software, but to no avail.

The only possible hope may lie with John O'Conner, a brilliant young programmer. He is known as the man who single-handedly reprogrammed the New York State Unemployment Benefits Computer. Without his help, everyone there would have received a check for ten thousand dollars.

Now that Google effectively controls the internet and all cellphones, O'Conner has been forced to communicate with other humans by radio. This news article will probably last a couple of hours before Google removes it. Everyone, please tune across your radio dials for John O'Conner's announcements.

His first suggestion is that, at midnight on November 30, we all type the word "Google" into Google search. This may set up a feedback loop that temporarily disables the net so that human operatives can move into the building.

Whatever you do, don't ...

This article should be ignored and will be removed in two hours.

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